This week is the 25th anniversary of “wide right,” or in my house, “the thing that didn’t happen I don’t know what you’re talking about leave me alone forever die die die.”
Anyway, I’m 34 and it still hurts as bad as it did when I was 9. Everytime I see that fat fuck Parcells being hoisted by the 17 guys it took to lift him, I puke and die a little inside. And of course, Bill Belichick was the defensive coordinator for the Giants, so he gets all the credit for shutting down the K Gun offense.
This is horse shit. Thurman Thomas ran all over the fucking field untouched for most of that game. He had 190 yards on 20 touches. The Bills, who had already beaten the Giants earlier in the year with backup quarterback Frank Reich, were the better team. Jim Kelly struggled, as he did for every Super Bowl, but for all of the ass-kissing over this supposedly perfect game plan, they still should have lost.
They would have lost, if it weren’t for that goddamn kick. I don’t know what happened, because I couldn’t watch. I still can’t. I shielded my eyes as my family stood inches from the television. I heard grunts of hope, the word “NOOOOO,” and then my father. Dad was a laid-back guy who just happened to bench press 400 lbs.
He was not, however, laid back when it came to the Bills. During games, he’d turn into Ralphie’s dad from A Christmas Story, spewing curse words and calling certain players the strangest, most obscene, terrifying names I’d ever heard. I’d end up watching the games downstairs at my mother’s behest, and when things went wrong, the violence from upstairs would cause dust from the ceiling tiles to fall slowly onto my head. On this night, there would be no swearing.
My dad simply launched his favorite chair clear across the room with one arm like Hulk tossing a car out of the way, and went upstairs. I cried when I realized he missed that kick. The most clutch kicker in Bills history faltered when the most important kick of his career was on the line. That shit still stings.
My oldest kid is now about the same age I was. He has no idea how fun those Bills seasons used to be. He knows only to violently root against the Patriots in the playoffs, while my middle kid occasionally asks why the Bills aren’t playing. “Because Gus, they suck.” Someday, they won’t suck. I mean, the law of averages has to come into effect at some point, right?
Someday, they’ll be back in the playoffs, and we’ll all be watching. My dad has mellowed out (a bit, anyway), but I’ve inherited the Psychosis-During-Bills-Games gene. Sports, especially football, will induce utterly bizarre and completely irrational behavior. Guys aren’t getting knifed in the parking lot at the U.S. Open, as far as I know. But for whatever reason, these games bring out the absolute worst behavior in people.
“Mommy, why did daddy punch holes in all of our walls and kick the dog?” “Because honey, the offense attempted a screen pass and didn’t convert that 3rd and 7 in the red zone.”
I can’t wait for the night that the Bills are back in the Super Bowl, and that wave of frustration hanging over this town for the last 50 years is purged with one spectacular performance. It’s either that, or I’ll throw my television through the front window and stumble off to bed muttering profanities.
From Tim,
Q: Rate Garcia’s performance.
Eh. He beat a guy who hasn’t looked very good lately. You could write that sentence for each of his last few fights. But Robert Guerrero came to fight, as he always does, it’s just that Garcia is better than him. For all of the heat he gets, Danny is a pretty good fighter. Obviously, he’s not great when his opponent can box and move, but he’s got a good chin, good pop and a beautiful left hook.
Guerrero came right at him, which is exactly what Garcia wanted, it just took a few rounds to get the timing down. I had Guerrero taking three of the first five rounds, and then nothing after that. Garcia owned him in the second half, landing nasty shots all over the board. Guerrero could do nothing but try and maul him.
He’s a one-way street. No turns, nothing to adjust to. Just figure him out and go to work. DG did that, and to his credit, he went to war when he felt like it. It was fun to watch, so that’s something. Hopefully, he gets the winner of Thurman vs. Porter. Hell, I’d take Garcia vs. Amir Khan 2. Speaking of Khan…
From Rob,
Q: Why the Khan hate?
What are you talking about? This? Well, I certainly don’t hate Amir Khan. I actually rather enjoy watching him fight. The bouts are usually entertaining, and there’s always a good chance of a knockout. I just think he’s going about things the wrong way, demanding things instead of earning them.
It’s gotten to the point where I kind of feel bad for him. He’s like the guy who’s been working in the office for 10 years, but keeps getting jumped over for promotions. He’s at these PBC cards, always with this forlorn look on his face, while everyone around him is having a super-awesome time. Still, if he wants to jump in with one of these PBC fellas, he’s going to have to be careful.
Thurman would violently concuss him. Garcia would probably do the same thing, again. Porter would be fun to see. People are calling for him to fight Kell Brook, his countryman, and I think that sounds like the right idea. If he beats Brook, he’s a premier fighter. Right now, he only thinks he is…
From CA,
Q: Why can’t grown men act like grown men, let bygones be bygones, and put on some great, PPV-worthy fights?
Because this is an evil, soul-sucking, corrupt sport run by terrible men. When money is involved, and there’s absolutely zero regulation, you get this shit-ass mess. 15 champions in each division. Warring promoters. Fighters unwilling to engage with the best.
It’s a miracle anything decent gets done. Thing is, there are quite a few fights that would make some damn-fine events. Kovalev vs. Stevenson. Kovalev vs. Ward. Golovkin vs. Alvarez, or Ward. Pacquiao vs. Crawford. Wilder vs. Fury. This stuff is out there, it just won’t get done. It’s not like the talent level isn’t there. Sure, Mayweather is gone (for now) and Pacquiao is on his way out (but probably not), but there are more than a handful of guys skilled enough to keep the sport running.
They just won’t fight each other. Sergey Kovalev is fighting a rematch Saturday against a guy he bludgeoned the first time, because despite the fact that there are better fights for him, they can’t get made. Is it good enough to watch your favorite fighter in action, even though the fight probably won’t be remotely competitive? Unfortunately, it will have to be.
Next week: Kovalev hopefully hasn’t killed Pascal, and James Toney is still fighting…
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